Saturday, September 03, 2005

W. W. B. D. ? A New Weekly Feature!

Every week we will pose an ethical dilemma and then ask, "What Would the Baroness Do?" Supersitious witch-hunters (Christians) like to say that morality cannot exist alongside rationality (a disbelief in vengeful and petty gods). But to that we say, "Balderdash!" And to prove it we'll see what uber-sexy G.I. Joe nemesis The Baronness would do.

This week's moral dilemma: A huge storm is about to hit a major metropolitan area largely inhabited by the poor and the dark-skinned. Many of these people are unable to evacuate the city because they do not own cars and/or have nowhere to go. In the last election, most of the inhabitants of this city voted for G.I. Joe instead of The Baroness. Here's the kicker, this city is built BELOW sea level, and is kept dry only by a series of levees.


"The Fools! First, I will let the storm strike them with all the fury it can muster! Let the weak perish! Let the dogs of war (or in this case, just stray dogs) gnaw the bones of the elderly and the enfeebled! Then I would let them simmer in the filthy floodwaters for several days. Meanwhile, I would learn to play the guitar from a popular country and western singer. My word, I do love a good country and western song... Where was I? Oh yes, After chaos has ruled the streets for several days, I would mobilize the armed forces to invade the city and fly in myself for a victory march! Hmm... If possible, I would try to decimate the National Guard troops by sending them and their equipment overseas to fight futile battles years ahead of time. This will allow me to send federal COBRA squadrons directly into the city against all laws and tradition. The staraved and the sick will be so pleased to have a sip of water and a bite of bread that they won't notice that I've invaded their city with FEDERAL TROOPS!! Finally - though it would take a foolish public to put up with this - I would earlier to cut funding for strengthening the levees, cut funding for COBRA's Engineering Corps, and I would ignore any reports that said a storm could destroy the levees and the city. I would then vote for HUGE TAX CUTS for Destro and his minions. HA HA HA HA HA!! WORSHIP ME!!"


Blogger lucky doubles roller said...

I would also appoint the Cobra Commander's college room mate as the head of FEMA.

10:39 AM  

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