Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Daily Fantasy Art Photo

No real reason to show this other than the fact that it makes me feel at peace with the world. It's a sculpture made with the pickled head of a dead fetus attached to a seagull's body. They're disgusting creatures, I know. But hey, seagulls can be kind of gross too. It can apparently cause schoolchildren to be traumatized, so for all the cool teachers out there reading, feel free to make copies of the photo and pass them around as part of a pop quiz. Maybe you can post them around town as well, like lost dog drawings on lightposts.

How You Eating Your Bacon?

Well, first off, WHERE you eating your bacon? Tucson Arizona, where the temperature was a balmy 103. It's always exciting to realize that simply being outside in the sun will kill you in many parts of the United States. It will blind you, burn you, suck the water out of your body until it shuts down. Then you soul goes to heaven for eternity.

So yeah - a little warm. Still, an air-conditioned car-ride to a restaurant, a request to be moved to a quieter part of said restaurant, and a bottle of Syrrah later, and I was set to examine the menu.

Bacon goes very well with spinach salad. So I went for the spinach salad with bacon, strip steak, red onions, red peppers, blue cheese, and a vinagrette dressing. Despite the absence of the promised red onions, it was still very good, had lots of crisp thick bacons abounding through the greenery, with enough heartiness to stand up to the dressing. Delicious.

Daily fantasy art

"I'm Batman!"

Monday, August 29, 2005

Once again, the lord works in mysterious ways.

Members of a church say God is punishing American soldiers for defending a country that harbors gays, and they brought their anti-gay message to the funerals Saturday of two Tennessee soldiers killed in Iraq.

The Rev. Fred Phelps, founder of Westboro Baptist in Kansas, contends that American soldiers are being killed in Iraq as vengeance from God for protecting a country that harbors gays. The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps’ children, grandchildren and in-laws.

God smites strippers, cajuns, sports stadium, republicans

(AP) When Hurricane Katrina hits New Orleans on Monday, it could turn one of America's most charming cities into a vast cesspool tainted with toxic chemicals, human waste and even coffins released by floodwaters from the city's legendary cemeteries.

More a matter of changing it into a different kind of cesspool than creating one from scratch.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

TV show infuriates God by explaining origins of life


"I would have gotten away with it too," exclaims angry God being led away by local authorities, "If it hadn't have been for you meddling scientists..."

PBS science show NOVA will broadcast the 2nd of a four part series on the origins of life on Tuesday August 30 at 8 pm.

In "Origins: How Life Began," the second hour of our four-part
miniseries, NOVA zeroes in on the mystery of life. Join the hunt for
hardy microbes that flourish in the most unlikely places: inside
rocks in a mine shaft two miles down, inside a cave dripping with
acid as strong as a car battery's, and in noxious gas bubbles
erupting from the Pacific Ocean floor. The survival of these tough
microorganisms suggests they may be related to the planet's first
primitive life forms. Host Neil deGrasse Tyson deepens the search by
investigating tantalizing and controversial chemical "signatures" of
life inside three-billion-year-old rocks and meteorites found around
the world.


Despite rampant obesity and love of continually watching TV in Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and Texas, people there are unlikely to notice the irrelevance and pointlessness of worshipping mythological beasts. However, in between a trip from their couch to KFC, they did show a remarkable familiarity with the disappearance of a white girl on an island they will never go to or know anything substantial about.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Daily fantasy art

A bit of a departure from our usual theme, but it's one of my favorites.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

How You Eating Your Bacon?

This tasty mess was discovered on a trip to Big Smoky: The city that never sleeps, and never stops stinking of urine and garbage. The city so nice, they crashed planes into it twice!

I dont have the menu that describes what this is, but it comes from some South American country that - get this! - Doesn't speak Spanish! What the!? Kookamanga, I think it's called - or Calderone, I dunno. But this splendid dish of black food is only served on Saturdays - it's a special treat! Like some sort of Anti-Sabbath. It's a stew made up of long simmering black beans, black sausages, collard greens, and big weird, uber-fatty slices of BACON. It looks even more like bacon here than it did that night. It's unrecognizable in regular light.

We tried to have it delivered, and after spelling - slowly - several times - the address and the street and so on, they called us back in 10 minutes and asked if we could come pick it up. Is that how things work in Gotham? When you ask for something delivered, they ask you to come pick it up? Full of savages that place is. Silver lining: The restaurant had a bowl of root beer barrel candy! A handful of those makes a fine appetizer for a plate of black bacon sausage bean stuff.

Bigfoot's Identity Revealed!

We receive letters from people on a daily basis saying that Bigfoot and a Half seems disturbingly familiar to them. Well, mostly from Josh, and I don't think he's talking about his face, if you know what I mean... But after programming the TRS-80 to scour the intranets for data we're able to reveal that Bigfoot's identity has been discovered:
Bigfoot is none other than

"Aaht" indeed. From hacking up families, playing beloved President Reagan, shilling for Meineke, and of course fucking Barbra Streisand, we all knew that brolin had great depth as an actor - but who knew he had such width as well.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Today in bacon: Rumaki!

While I have not recently had the pleasure of eating rumaki, just thinking about it while wrting this makes me want to prepare a batch. Thick sliced bacon wrapped around a soy sauce soaked waterchestnut, sprinkled with sugar and roasted. Huzzah! Perfect for having your husband's boss over for dinner. A party tray of rumaki and some highballs: a meal fit for a king.

Daily fantasy art

"Excuse me ma'am, please don't lie on the tortoise"

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Godly Pat Robertson Screams for Head of Hugo Chavez on Silver Platter

Emulating the murderer of John the Baptist, multi-millionaire voice-of-god Pat Robertson demanded the United States assasinate democratically elected Venezulean president Hugo Chavez.

Mr Robertson - a failed Republican presidential candidate, self-described "humanitarian" and outspoken founder of the right-wing Christian Coalition - said that killing Hugo Chavez, the left-wing South American leader who has been critical of the US, would be "a whole lot cheaper than starting a war".

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," the 75-year-old preacher told viewers of The 700 Club, his daily program on the Christian Broadcasting Network.

"We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

Always crazy as a shit-house rat, in 1999, Mr Robertson urged people to pray for Scotland, branding it a "dark land" where homosexuals set the moral agenda.

Saturday, August 20, 2005


There is a difference. Choose wisely.

Bigfoot and a Half: Part 4 of 6

Read Part 1 by clicking here: Read Part 2 by clicking here. Read Part 3 of the story by clicking here. Without further adieu, here is Bigfoot and a Half...

Looks like Biff is in a bit of a tight spot. Will our hero be able to harrow the attentions of Bigfoot and a half? Tune in next time to find out.

Mad, evil pope doesn't want to be prosecuted for covering up kid-fucking

Does this mean he can't be burned at the stake?

VATICAN CITY -- Lawyers for Pope Benedict XVI have asked President Bush to declare the pontiff immune from liability in a lawsuit that accuses him of conspiring to cover up the molestation of three boys by a seminarian in Texas, court records show.

The Vatican's embassy in Washington sent a diplomatic memo to the State Department on May 20 requesting the U.S. government grant the pope immunity because he is a head of state, according to a May 26 motion submitted by the pope's lawyers in U.S. District Court for the Southern Division of Texas in Houston.

Joseph Ratzinger is named as a defendant in the civil lawsuit. Now Benedict XVI, he's accused of conspiring with the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston to cover up the abuse during the mid-1990s.

In Washington, State Department spokeswoman Gerry Keener, said Tuesday that the pope is considered a head of state and automatically has diplomatic immunity.

Lawyers for abuse victims say the case is significant because previous attempts to implicate the Vatican, the pope or other church officials in U.S. sex abuse proceedings have failed -- primarily because of immunity claims and the difficulty serving Vatican officials with U.S. lawsuits.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Our series on German taxidermy continues

From the bowels of Augustusberg Schloss in the former East Germany we are proud to present part zwei in our occasional series on German taxidermy. Today please to enjoy a very dangerous bird whose name I forget. Apparently in olden times feudal German lords would train these birds to peck out the eyes of disobedient peasants. These eyes would then be preserved in aspic and enjoyed by the baron or other noble person at his hunting lodge.

Secondly we present the noble and also dangerous wild boar:
I wouldn't like to come accross him on a dark nacht wandering across a deserted strasse. But I bet his bacon was delicious.

It has come to our attention that all of the native German animals, from the weasel to the boar, are all highly dangerous. If anyone is aware of Deutscher animal that does not pose a serious threat to life an limb, please let us know (and send a picture).

Hey kids! Not sure what to pray for? Here's a handy dandy list

Me? I'm praying for Secretary of Transportation, Norman Mineta (not pictured).


"Pray for the President! Even though he is still on his working vacation he is doing a lot of things. In fact, he will host champion cyclist Lance Armstrong on Saturday, so pray that the two men will enjoy a good ride together and be safe."

Thursday, August 18, 2005

daily fantasy art

"A day at the Jersey Shore"

Church elder will bring just about anyone to church

On Wednesday, a Sedgwick County sheriff investigator testified that Rader told him that he strangled Marine Hedge, his 53-year-old neighbor in her home, on April 27, 1985, and then took her body to his church.

Rader took photographs of her in bondage positions at the church and spent about five hours cleaning up the scene before dumping the body in a remote ditch.


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Blogs I hate: Part three

"peek in at my journey: a small part of God's BIG plan."
"Woohoo! My friend Tim is driving down from Peoria, IL to go as well, can't wait! I get to worship God with a sweet band and a sweet family!"

I'm not making this shit up.

Excellent Photos of German Actors and Directors - VIER!

Leni Reifenstahl - 100 years of sticking to her guns.

Leni R. in jungen Jahren
Leni und "ihr" Afrikaner

Prayer unable to heal child, but apparently able to prevent prison time

An Indiana couple who chose to pray over their dying newborn daughter rather than seek medical care for her were sentenced Friday to six years in prison for reckless homicide. But a judge suspended most of those prison terms for Dewayne and Maleta Schmidt, instead ordering the couple to serve about a year each at a work-release center. Their daughter, Rhianna Rose Schmidt, died in August 2003, less than two days after she was born at the couple’s home, from an infection typically treated with antibiotics

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Daily fantasy art


Saturday, August 13, 2005

On the seventh day - God created JOLLIBEE!

#1 Filipino fast food restaurant! How do they stay #1? 1% inspiration. 99% perspiration. From their corporate info: "With encouraging success, Jollibee Foods Corporation was incorporated in 1978 with seven outlets to fully explore the possibilities of a hamburger concept."

Coffee Jelly Ice Craze
wha? Freshly shaved ice with blended creamy coffee syrup and nata strings with sweet cream and dribbled with caramel.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thursday Funnies!

Hell Now Icy Cold claims crazy-ass German pope.

"Much can be learned of a man from his conception of hell. Rereading scriptural accounts, the new pope, former cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now Benedict XVI, has suggested something novel. Noting Christ's references to "a chattering of teeth" among the damned, he reminds us that such chattering is not the reaction to burning heat but to extreme cold, and describes the pains of hell as those of the most terrible and desolate coldness: an emblematic hell for the icily brilliant new pope." http://villagevoice.com/news/0532,essay,66648,6.html

Handy-Dandy Guide to the Stupidity of Various Cults on Science

From NPR: "At its extremes, the current debate over teaching Darwin's theory of evolution pits science against religion, with the scientific community nearly unanimous in its faith in Darwin and equal certainty about divine intervention by many of deep religious faith. Taking Issue asks religious leaders what their faith tells them about the shaping of life and whether it can be reconciled with evolution."

NPR is not condoning rational science over superstition - too bad. But in case anyone thinks they can support proper education and also delude themselves that their soul will live for eternity in a mansion created by a god, surrounded by angels instead of rotting in the ground, well: surprise! Jews, Muslims, Protestants, Catholics: Different shades of delusion. My favorite: "Evolutionary theory stands at the base of moral relativism and the rejection of traditional morality."

Equating religion with morality is the oldest trick in the book. And one that couldnt be further from the truth, if you look at the proud history of religious thought and action. Believing God is on your side has led to the most morally reprehensible action humans have ever taken. And it continues today.

Evolution vs. Religion: Quit pretending they're compatible.

President Bush used to be content to revel in his own ignorance. Now he wants to share it with America's schoolchildren.

I refer to his recent comments in favor of teaching "intelligent design" alongside evolution. "Both sides ought to be properly taught … so people can understand what the debate is about," Bush told a group of Texas newspaper reporters who interviewed him on Aug. 1. "Part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought."

The president seems to view the conflict between evolutionary theory and intelligent design as something like the debate over Social Security reform. But this is not a disagreement with two reasonable points of view, let alone two equally valid ones. Intelligent design, which asserts that gaps in evolutionary science prove God must have had a role in creation, may be creationism in camouflage. Or it may be a step in the creationist cave-in to evolution. But whatever it represents, intelligent design is a faith-based theory with no scientific validity or credibility.

If Bush had said schools should give equal time to the view that the Sun revolves around the Earth, or that smoking doesn't cause lung cancer, he'd have been laughed out of his office. The difference with evolution is that a large majority of Americans reject what scientists regard as equally well supported: that we're here because of random mutation and natural selection. According to the most recent Gallup poll on the subject (2004), 45 percent of Americans believe God created human beings in their present form 10,000 years ago, while another 38 percent believe that God directed the process of evolution. Only 13 percent accept the prevailing scientific view of evolution as an unguided, random process.

Being right and yet so unpopular presents an interesting problem for evolutionists. Their theory has won over the world scientific community but very few of the citizens of red-state America, who decide what gets taught in their own public schools.
whole article here:

Excellent Photos of German Actors and Directors - DREI!


We could probably create a page that was nothing but excellent photos of Kinski. However where would that leave fans of bacon, taxidermy, bigfoot lore, religious superstition and .... more bacon?

Kinski: so much to be said. Drafted by Germany in WW2, Kinski supposedly spent his short term in the military flagging down American planes and begging them to shoot him. His films with Herzog are all worth seeing: Cobra Verde, Woyzeck, Nosfeartu, Aguirre: The Wrath of God (must of been a boy scout!), and Fitzcarraldo.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

How you eating your bacon?

Ahh the BLT. Perhaps the king of the "2-slice of bread" sandwiches? Being in California, I adorned my BLT with some local flavor: Avocado (the fattiest of all non-tempuraed veggies) and sprouts. Also onions. The shop - Ponchik's on Hollywood Blvd. - specializes in three things: rude service, overcharging me, and delivering awful saran-wrapped celery and carrot sticks; though I never remember just how awful until I get them again.

The bacon was broken up a little too much, but was thickly sliced, very meaty, and salty. I asked for very light mayo - and they actually did just that.

Overall, it was fine. Not the best bacon - or the best BLT - but certainly good in a pinch.

In bacon today

Today my bacon was consumed as part of a 1/2 lb bacon cheeseburger. The bacon was firm, but not crisp, and sliced thick. When the burger arrived the cheese had melted nicely around the four strips of bacon nestled under the bun. The burger was medium rare and served with tomato, onion, and lettuce. I applied a thin layer of mayonaisse to the top bun, then dipped the entire burger in a small side dish of bbq sauce before each bite. Delicious.

Mitigating factor: the "homefries" were rather limp and tastless.

Vengeful God Continues Boy Scout Rampage


Girl, 8, Killed by Tree at Boy Scout Camp
OCEAN TOWNSHIP, N.J. - An 8-year-old girl died and three others were injured Wednesday when a tree fell on them during a first-aid class at a Boy Scout camp, authorities said.

The girls were participating in the class at an overnight camp when the 31-foot tree suddenly snapped, crashing through a tarp over a picnic table at which they were sitting, Police Chief Kenneth Flatt said.
"It was an accident. There was no warning. There wasn't a whole lot anybody could do," said Flatt.
The tree landed on the 8-year-old girl's head. She was pronounced dead at Southern Ocean County Hospital in Manahawkin.
The other girls — ages 9, 10 and 16 — suffered minor injuries and were treated and released from the hospital. Their identities weren't immediately released. One girl suffered a broken ankle; the others had bruises and scrapes.
"We are feeling completely and utterly devastated," he said.
The camp undergoes a safety inspection at least twice a year, but it wasn't clear whether the tree was part of that inspection, Flatt said. It had rained overnight but there had been no lightning reported, he said.
The tree accident was the latest in series of tragedies to strike scouting-related activities this summer.
Four adult Scout leaders were killed in a July electrical accident in Virginia at the National Boy Scout Jamboree. Five other people have died this summer from drowning and lightning during Scout outings in Wyoming, New Mexico, Utah and California.

Daily fantasy art

"Back off, she's mine"

German week continues

Not officially announced I know, but that's how it worked out. Our tribute to all things (well, actors, directors and torture anyway) German continues with a bit of synergy with a previous post. Today: German taxidermy. Here we see some fine examples of die Tiere aus die Ost from a wildlife museum in some German castle I forget the name of.Here we see a particularly fine diorama illustrating the old German addage "Wherever there's mushrooms and moths, weasels are not far behind".

And what survey of German taxidermy would be complete without the classic "death rattle of the majestic elk":Next time: wild boars and dangerous birds!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Excellent Photos of German Actors and Directors - ZWEI!

Udo Kier was the tip of the iceberg meine Freunde. May I present to you some excellent portraits of...

Whether Werner is hitting the town with a 22-year old 6-foot-2 Aryan queen (it's a disturbing sight - I've seen it), or making documentaries about men who live with bears, only to get eaten by said bears, no one cuts a continental swath on der rot carpet like Herr Herzog. The death of Klaus Kinski weighs heavy on his soul - you can see it in his eyes. Will be ever find peace? Ja, ja. like all of us: in the grave.

Bigfoot and a Half: Part 3 of 6

The Bigoot and a Half story will make no sense to you whatsoever if you don't catch it from the beginning. Be sure to read chapter one here. Ahh, that's the stuff. Chapter two commences here. Seems like Bigfoot has some devious plans for Hank. Not to worry though, Hank's fellow lumberjacks have got his back! ...let's watch...

Whew! Talk about action! Gold old Biff. That's one tough lumberjack. Well, it looks like things will get back to normal now. ...or will they? Tune in soon for another exciting episode of Bigfoot! ...and a Half!!

How they used to deal with homosexuals in liberal Germany

Woodcut from Augustusberg Castle torture chamber.

Hobos around town

I had a wonderful time walking down 3rd avenue with a gentleman of leisure today. Not sure how I ended up walking right next to him for 2 blocks, but it was worth it. I'll let his inspired mopnologue speak for itself, and just set the scene by saying that he was wearing a filthy tuxedo jacket, no shirt, and a technical mountaineering backpack.

Hobo: See, you got a yellow bucket and a blue bucket. Forget about the white bucket, forget it. That's none of your concern. Yellow one and a blue one. Hmmmm. That's right. 'Cause if you got a nice bucket well...you know, you know. Ha! Big ole bucket! Uh-uh, he ain't got nothin'. Not no bucket not nothin'. 'Cause a blue bucket, that's a fine bucket. Hey! looka him! big ole white helmet on. Holes cut out for he eyes. Man! He all that and mo'. Bicycle! Bicycle! How I 'sposed to carry two buckets on a bicycle? No way, no way. Yellow bucket, blue bucket, white bucket. Yellow bucket, blue bucket, white bucket...


I guess they'll give anyone a blog these days:

Back in May, I had blogged about bit about my daughter and my frustrations.

Well, all I can say is what a difference God and a few months can make.

Last week, she went to Falls Creek. This is the first year she wasn't there with a boy friend. Well, while she was there, she accepted Christ as her Savior!

What a difference!

A few years ago, I thought she had done this. But what she realized that she didn't really accept him as her Savior. She just went through the actions, but there was never a change of her heart!

The change is like night and day!

from: http://tkjarrard.blogspot.com/

Au revoir monsieur helicopter

An 81-year-old Frenchman has been given a one-year suspended jail sentence for firing a hunting rifle at helicopters dropping water on a forest blaze.

David Thiel opened fire on 21 July when the low-flying helicopters disturbed his afternoon nap near Grasse in the south of France, court sources said.

During his arrest the man swore at the policemen and hit them with saucepans.

Prayers offer little protection against suicidal gun-wielding indian

The first time Jeff Weise tried to commit suicide, in the spring of 2004, he couldn't bring himself to complete the task. He sliced his wrists with a box cutter, but he lived to chronicle the incident on the Web in characteristically dramatic prose. "I had went through a lot of things in my life that had driven me to a darker path than most choose to take," he wrote. "I split the flesh on my wrist with a box opener, painting the floor of my bedroom with blood I shouldn't have spilt."

The second time Weise tried to kill himself, a few months later, he looped a belt around his neck and pulled it taut. A friend found him and called the tribal police on the Indian reservation of Red Lake, Minn., home of the Ojibwa tribe. As the squad car pulled away from his house, Weise leaned toward the officer in the front seat and said, his voice raspy and strained, "I need help."

The third time Weise attempted suicide, the 16-year-old not only pulled it off but also took nine people with him. Last March, in an incident that has been classified as the worst school shooting since Columbine, Weise shot his grandfather and the woman who lived with them, and stole his grandfather's 12-gauge shotgun, Glock .40-caliber semiautomatic handgun, and police cruiser. He then drove to Red Lake High School, where he killed an unarmed security guard, a teacher who summoned God for help, and five students, before turning the gun on himself.

Daily fantasy art

Simce there was no daily fantasy art update yesterday, we have gone out of oour way to provide a particularly stunning piece today. I am prouded to present "Naked chick wanking to demons".

Gott in Himmell! Eine Raccoon!!

The Carson City Museum has apparently shut down its Natural History area - as fine a display of taxidermied animals I've ever come across. Fear not - many of the animals will live on here! Just like you will in heaven; preserved at your best, sitting at the right hand of god.

Today we bring you the fearsome Raccoon.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Proud Moments in Religious Thought and Action - Part Two

Today let's remember Pope Pius V, God's hatchet-man from 1566-1572:

When he was Grand Inquisitor, he sent Catholic troops to kill 2,000 Waldensian Protestants in Calabria in southern Italy.

After becoming pope, he sent Catholic troops to kill Huguenot Protestants in France. He ordered the commander to execute every prisoner taken. The number of those murdered range from 70,000 to 100,000. Among the slain was composer Claude Goudimel. Rotting bodies polluted the rivers for months afterwards, so that no one would eat fish. The Church's reaction was jubilant: all the bells of Rome pealed for a public day of thanksgiving.

Depiction of the slaughter below:

Pius also launched the final crusade against the Muslims in Turkey, sending a Christian naval armada to slaughter thousands in the Battle of Lepanto in 1571.

And he intensified the Roman Inquisition, torturing and burning Catholics whose beliefs varied from official dogma.

After his death, he was canonized a saint. He still is venerated by the church. Amen motherfucker.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Daily fantasy art

"Eat shit Rumpelmintz (but no boobs)"

Weekend Bacon

Note: photo for illustrative purposes only.

Sure, Jolibee macaroni soup has ham, but that's hardly bacon now is it?

Sunday bacon: Thick-sliced maple smoked bacon, wrapped around a 1/2 lb center cut filet mignon. Sauteed in butter, cooked rare, and simply seasoned with salt and pepper. Finished with a red wine-balsamic vinegar-brown sugar reduction. Served with garlic sugar-snap peas and old-timey baked potato (rubbed with sea salt). Being thick sliced, the bacon (though thoroughly cooked) remained soft and chewy. It absorbed some of the beef flavor from the filet, but also infused the steak with a delicious smoky taste. All this while also sealing in the all-important "juices" of the filet. Hard to beat. Washed down with 3/4 bottle of claret.