"I have peered into the deepest recesses of her heart. I have listened to her soul as she prays to her gods," said President Bush, echoing the means by which he now chooses all candidates and appointees.
The woman, Lee-Ann Beverly, has been a bank teller for 17 years in the Houston suburb of Riddleyton and Mr Bush went in there a few times during his drinking days when he ran out of "paper dollars." She'll replace Alan Greenspan in January.
Lee-Ann has had 4 children; two are preachers. One has been in a coma for 12 years as a result of a snake-handling incident at a local church. The fourth died from whooping cough as a toddler because Beverly does not believe god intended humans to be vaccinated.
Bush says that Beverly is easily the most qualified person to steer the U.S. economy, which affects every economy of the world, because "She believes in taking monetary policy directly from the dreams that god sends to her every night. That's neat."