Monday, November 21, 2005

Finance Week

Our readers are a savvy bunch. Sophisticated. Urbane. So we're now offering stock market analysis. "Yahoo Finance" has the largest investing message board, and each week we'll pick a stock to see what info can be learned from the people who post there.
Today's company: Target (TGT).
Price 55.12 / Market Cap: 48.7 billion
Here is what the folks are saying on the Target board:

– This POS is going Down!! Wait till Monday, and we'll see mass Panick Selling, on this one!!!
– Or maybe even "panic" selling you illiterate fuck! This stock has performed admirably for 40 years. Over 160 consecutive quarters of dividends. Yeah, but you know better. How fucking dumb are you?
– MY CATHOLIC PRIEST TOLD ALL PARISHONER'S TO BAN TARGET, NOT TO SHOP AT TARGET, BECAUSE THEY'RE ANTI-CHRISTIAN, TAKING OUT MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! ALL CHRISTIANS ARE BANNING TARGET!!!!!!!! SO IF YOU'RE CHRISTIAN, SELL THIS POS AND SEND THIS MORALLY BANKRUPT COMPANY A MESSAGE. AND DON'T SHOP TARGET!!!!!!
– Your priest is a fucking asshole and has no clue what he is talking about. Please post specifics about how TGT is anti Christian. I suppose the fact that they donate more money to charities as a % of pre tax profits than any other retailer is not germane?If I were a member of the Catholic church I would keep a low profile. Pope Pious/Hitler, the Inquisition and ,oh yeah fucking little boys. Great tradition.
– SHUTUP, YOU BIG BAG OF SLIME! YOU DON'T KNOW MY PRIEST, I DO WHAT HE SAYS, AND NOW I AM AN EX-TARGET CUSTOMER. TARGET USED TO BE MY FAVORITE STORE, NOW I'LL NEVER SHOP THERE AGAIN, NOW! ALSO, YOU'RE OFF THE SUBJECT. AND YOU SOUND LIKE A CHILD MOLESTER YOURSELF!!
– Fuck you. Spewing lies, hatred and venom on a Sunday? Yeah you are the quintessential Christina. ONE MORE TIME. Post specifics regarding TGT's anti Christian stance. What total bullshit. Let me guess, you are the product of horseshit parochial schools. Do you like to cornhole boys like your priest? You assholes should mind your own business and fix your chruch, which is in shambles, before you judge perfectly good intitutions like TGT.

There you have it! As we go to press, Target is down 12 cents.

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