Sunday, November 20, 2005

King Tut Exhibit Vs. Mummy-The Ride

I've been to both the King Tut exhibit at the LA County Museum of Art and Mummy-The Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood. Which should you go to? Let's find out.

1. Line was shorter in King Tut Exhibit. Edge: King Tut.
2. But I went to the King Tut exhibit at some ungodly hour: Maybe 8 am. Edge: Mummy ride.
3. If you show up to Mummy-The Ride between 9:30 am and noon: You get to ride it twice.
4. Gift shops at both were obnoxious, but you're FORCED to walk through the gift shop at King Tut Exhibit. Not so at Mummy. Edge: Mummy: The Ride.
5. Omar Sharif narrates King Tut. He's a backgammon genius, was in the best movie ever, and he hit a guy with a lamp at a restaurant in India. Narration in Mummy: None. Apparently Brendan Fraser refused. Edge: King Tut.
6. Hieroglyphs carved into walls: Both, but FAR better in Mummy-ride.
7. Includes rollercoaster: Both. No wait - only in Mummy the Ride. Edge: Mummy.
8. Allows easy access to collections of Sam Francis and Chuck Close paintings: Both. No wait - Only King Tut.
9. Historical relevance: About equal actually. Nothing you learn at either place will help you get a job. More actual Egyptian gods are mentioned during Mummy-The Ride. Plus, the gods manifest themselves into beetles, rats and locusts - then they attack you. Edge: Mummy.
10. Proximity to actual tar pits: King Tut. Now he knows what it's like to be trapped in tar.
11. Proximity to TWO different Cinnabon stores: Mummy-The Ride.
12. Inexcusable 15 minute delay waiting in line while someone repeatedly announces over loud speakers, "Francis, return to the ride control booth" : Mummy-The Ride. Edge: King Tut.
13. Dozens of Skeletons: Mummy-The Ride. (Plenty of skeletons at the tar pits, but that doesn't count.)
14. Profits from attraction goes to:
  • A. King Tut: Backwards Muslim nation that keeps women from learning to read.
  • B. Mummy-The Ride: Evil multinational corporation owned by GE, who makes weapons with which we bomb backwards Mulsim nations that keep women from learning to read.
Edge: Ehh, call that one a tie...

I'd say go to Mummy: The Ride. Because Cinnabons taste fucking good.


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