Thursday, November 24, 2005

Today in bacon

OK. So thanksgiving isn't a holiday typically associated with bacon. Why the pilgrims couldn't have shot a few of those brown-skinned savages and made injun bacon I'll never know. The upshot is that we are all stuck with a holiday dinner almost entirely devoid of pork products (unless you have a ham, which is practically terrorism). Well despair no longer my friends. You have eaten your last bacon-less thanksgiving dinner.

Take a turkey and prepare it in the normal fashion for roasting. Ideally, stuff it with some sort of sausage-based stuffing. However, where you would normally rub it with oil or butter or some such, instead begin layering it with thick, meaty bacon:
Note in the background essential ingredients for any holiday affair- copious amounts of booze and Trader Joe's Belgian chocolates. Keep layering on the bacon until you have covered every exposed surface on the breast. Covering the legs is up to you, but that dark meat kind of makes me sick. When done it should look like this:
If someone in your household isn't at least a little worried by how the turkey looks at this point you haven't done it right. More than likely you skimped on the bacon. Go back and do it again. You'll notice that several lonely bacon soldiers weren't able to make it to the front line. That's ok. You're going to fry those up as normal and eat them as an appetizer while you wait 3 1/2 hours for the damn thing to be done. Take the turkey and put it in the oven. Time and temperture will vary depending on the turkey. Make sure to loosely cover the whole thing with tinfoil for the first 2-3 hours of cooking to avoid burning the bacon. That would be a disaster. Check on it frequently. About 45 minutes before it is done remove the foil. This will allow the bacon to brown nicely. If you like your bacon extra crispy you can even turn up the temperature on the oven.

Take it out of the oven. It will look like this if you did it right:
The bacon will be well cooked and slightly crispy. Note also that the juices from the bacon will have co-mingled with the juices from the turkey in the bottom of the pan. This makes the best gravy you have ever had. The turkey will also be the best you have ever had since the bacon acts like a porky moisture blanket for the bird, making dry turkey a practical impossibility. Serve with anything and tell that member of your household who was doubting you a few hours ago : "Backgammon motherfucker!"


Blogger Mr Lucky Doubles said...


-zie germans.

9:50 PM  
Blogger Mr Lucky Doubles said...

Is that a cricket on the turkey in the lower picture?

you dont mention crickets in your recipe, yet sure as shittin', there's a cricket!

Is that something Squanto told you to do?

9:52 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home