Thursday, December 15, 2005

Christmas at Danzig's House

Glenn Danzig lives in an abandoned (looking) old house with no paint, permanently open windows (in which sits a cat frequently), a black iron fence, overgrown yard, and - oddly - a huge five foot high cube of bricks and an old dusty black Jaguar out front. It looks like a smaller verion of the Addams Family house, except for the Jaguar. And the mountain of bricks. And Danzig is about 1/3 the size of Lurch.

I wasn't even sure he still lived there; I hadn't seen him - or anyone except the cat - behind the iron gate in years. But the Jaguar was still there, and since the neighborhood home values have skyrocketed, every shack within blocks has been flipped and sold for a million plus now. So Danzig now has the most expensive Haunted House east of Hollywood.

There is of course the episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Danzig buys Carl's house because blood pours out of the walls, and when I saw it, I immediately thought, "Shit. Danzig moved away." But that was just the effects of residual drug use and 35 years of watching tv.

But the other day I was walking down that street while Danzig's long-haired minion cracked open the iron gate, and off he drove in the jag. lookin pissed naturally. that car is so fucking filthy I could barely make him out in it, but luckily I had seen that episode of ATHF that reminded me of what he looked like (fatter, and luckily he drives with a shirt. But angry man. Fucking angry looking.)

So anyway, it's xmas in America, don't cha know, and every house in Los Feliz is covered with displays of brightly colored xmas lights. Almost every one of them. Except Danzig's, which is black, and I swear might have a pack of owls hooting in the tree the moment the sun goes down. There's one sickly dim yellowish light on the porch, so that it looks kind of like Thomas Kinkade's worst nightmare.

It makes me feel good really. Danzig's house is just a black hole of anti-good will, sucking all of the feelings of the season into it and spitting out pure unadulaterated devil worship. Or whatever it is Danzig is about... I'm not really sure. Blood I think. Lots of blood. and devil horns.


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