Saturday, January 28, 2006

More hobo action

The unseasonably warm weather must be bringing the hobos out of hibernation early this year, as there have been many recent noteworthy sitings. I transcribe here, as near to verbatim as possible, the hobo monologue I was witness to today:

Today gonna be HOT New York! Hot! At least 187 degrees! Damn, gonna be hot. Soles gonna melt right off your shoes New York. That's why Ima get in my submarine. Got me a submarine right there in the Hudson river. Gonna be nice and cool in my submarine. HOT today New York! And you know, New York is number one in the countryfor women beaters? That's right. Reminds me of when I had dinner with Mohammed Ali. That's right, people wanna tell me what to do- I smack you right in the face. So ladies, here's some tips if you got an abusive husband. Number one, make him a nice dinner. The, when he go to sleep, pour gasoline all over the bedroom and take off the doorknobs. Throw in a match and burn his ass up! Or go to the store and get you some clorox and some amonia. Don't just put 'em together. NO! You gotta use a jar people! Then you throw it in his face. That clorox and amonia the gonna produce sulphuric acid. Burn his face. If you can't do it yourself, go to my website. We got a team of people that'll take care of it for you. Real man don't smakc they girlfriend and talk to them like they a robot! I'm looking forward to seeing these tips in the newspaper, maybe by Monday. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!


Post a Comment

<< Home