Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Worst Music of 2005

I hate that some magazines make lists of the "Worst" albums of the year along side their picks for the "Best" albums of the year. Too often these fools go after really easy targets: Did Air Supply try to put out a new album - 20+ years after they were huge? Yeah, they did. But you didn't buy it - you didn't even know about it. No one did except ten big Air Supply fans. So why are you singling them out as "Worst" of 05? They weren't hurting anyone. The real villains are the ones we're subjected to - the horrible horrible music that we actually have to listen to if we dare turn on the radio or walk in a record store. You want the worst music of 2005? It's on MTV's Most Requested every single day.

My picks (All of these are nominated for Grammys this year).:

1.Mariah Carey. Have we learned nothing from our past sins? Apparently not. I thought she was dead ten years ago. No, you people can't get enough of idiocy, screeching and her gigantic tits. Good for you.

2. Kanye West. Don't buy the hype. It's still rap music, and like 99% of rap music other than Public Enemy and Ice Cube albums from the early 90s, it blows. Lyrics for Kanye's big hit: "My psychic told me she have a ass like Serena/Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids/An i gotta take all they bad ass to show-biz/Ok get ya kids but then they got their friends/I Pulled up in the Benz, they all got up In/We all went to Den and then I had to pay/If you fuckin with this girl then you betta be payed." Yeah yeah... Women are whores. I know. TLC told me so like 8 years ago. And having actors from In Living Color as your back-up singer doesn't help either.

3. Paul McCartney. Do I hear a new song as good on the radio as Band on the Run or Jet? No. No I do not. In fact, radio wont touch Paul with a ten foot pole. He hasn't had a song chart since he teamed up with Michael Jackson. Yet they give him Grammy nods 'cuz George and John are dead. Good job - you survived. Here's an award.

4. The Black Eyed Peas. The most embarrassing piece of music of 2005. Why aren't women pissed off about this shit? Another huge hit about the joys of being a whore. To reprint the lyrics of their hit "My Hump" would just be too demeaning to us all.

Dark Ages are a-comin'.


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