Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Bad Candy Alert

There are 2 vending machine upstairs: One is benevolent, dispensing White Castle cheeseburgers, two for a dollar. The other is evil, full of corn syrupy crap, individually wrapped pastries of dubious origin (One proudly claims to be made in Texas! As if that's good! Why not just claim to have been cooked by retards and then dropped on the floor of Grandma's house trailer? Same thing!!).

Still, I thought I'd try my luck. I collected some nickels and something red caught my eye.See where it says FAT FREE in the yellow strip? That's been changed on my packaging to MADE IN THE U.S.A. Ugh. And where in the USA? Chicago! Now, Chicago has a fine tradition as a candy town. Why, even now I can remember driving on 95 past the Ferrera Pan factory, rolling down the windows on a brisk -20 degree day to smell the wafting flavors off Boston Baked Beans, or perhaps Cherry Chan they were making that day. There was also Nuts on Clark, which had candy and candied nuts, and for the more "upscale" there was those green and red boxes of chocolate - usually mint flavored - ech - that tourists would buy at the dept. store at Water Tower...

Well, their WILD CHERRY candies are awful. They're like the stuff you'd get at Stuckey's with your own last few coins if your parents refused to buy you another Pecan Log Roll. They are stale, flavorless, and stick in my teeth like stale flavorless glue.


Oh Stuckey's, I miss you so... I'm just going to think about Stuckey's for a while now.


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