Monday, August 14, 2006

Fuck Flying

The two things I need on a flight are headphones and a bottle full of water. (Not sitting next to vomiting children is a plus, but while you are allowed to order kosher meals, the airlines refuse to guarantee this for me.) Headphones and water will no longer allowed on flights. So I will now fly even fewer times each year than I had been before.

Fuck the airlines and the half-retarded TSA trolls. Let them all go out of business. I couldn't care less. Skies minus planes are pleasant clear skies. Airports minus planes will be wonderous, echoing hulls; monuments to the once pleasant experience of flying, which by my calculations, ended sometime around 1972 or when the TWA Terminal at Idelwild shut down.

When the best that airlines can offer is an experience on par with being herded slowly through the gates of an abbatoir... Being served 3 ounce beverages once every four hours... Told not to stand up, not to stand near the bathroom, or the cockpit door, or near the waitresses... Sitting on a tarmac for 90 minutes b/c plane X was late, and now every plane at the airport is also late... Unable to get from one city to another without flying through fucking Phoenix... Breathing recycled air for hours on end because the airlines are too cheap to bring in any fresh air... Losing or damaging my luggage 15% of the time (and you wonder why we want to have everything be carry-on?) Having to sit on filthy seats that would make the bedspread at a Motel 6 in East St Louis look spotless by comparison... Fitting my 6' 3" height into tiny cramped seats that are less comfortable than the average trip to the dentist... Well guess what - fuck flying. I'll keep my money. I can get to mountains, forests, oceans, deserts and islands in an hour without every getting on your plane.
If ever there was an institution that needed to be destroyed so it could start over correctly it's flying. Corproate greed and lack of respect for the customer have led to this more than any dipshit terrorist mixing up nitorglycerin in his toothpaste container.
Oh yeah - and this kind of ineptitude: LAX lost the instrument landing system on runway 25R again this morning. The system was out for forty minutes, forcing landings to move to the north runways and reducing the airport's capacity. Also today, authorities at LAX evacuated an Alaska Airlines flight from Guadalajara after the crew found a suspicious item. No explosives were found in a search.

2 Comments:

Blogger shandon said...

Amen, brother.

1:04 PM  
Blogger jonie v. said...

"I can get to mountains, forests, oceans, deserts and islands in an hour without every getting on your plane."

lucky you. the only place i can get to in an hour without a plane is fort lauderdale.

10:34 PM  

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