What I heard about Iraq in 2005

A long and utterly depressing article by Eliot Weinberger in the London Review of Books.

In 2005 I heard that Coalition forces were camped in the ruins of Babylon. I heard that bulldozers had dug trenches through the site and cleared areas for helicopter landing pads and parking lots, that thousands of sandbags had been filled with dirt and archaeological fragments, that a 2600-year-old brick pavement had been crushed by tanks, and that the moulded bricks of dragons had been gouged out from the Ishtar Gate by soldiers collecting souvenirs. I heard that the ruins of the Sumerian cities of Umma, Umm al-Akareb, Larsa and Tello were completely destroyed and were now landscapes of craters.

I heard that the US was planning an embassy in Baghdad that would cost $1.5 billion, as expensive as the Freedom Tower at Ground Zero, the proposed tallest building in the world.

I saw a headline in the Los Angeles Times that read: ‘After Levelling City, US Tries to Build Trust.’

I heard that military personnel were now carrying ‘talking point’ cards with phrases such as: ‘We are a values-based, people-focused team that strives to uphold the dignity and respect of all.’

I heard that 47 per cent of Americans believed that Saddam Hussein helped plan 9/11 and 44 per cent believed that the hijackers were Iraqi; 61 per cent thought that Saddam had been a serious threat to the US and 76 per cent said the Iraqis were now better off.

I heard that Iraq was now ranked with Haiti and Senegal as one of the poorest nations on earth.

The rest of it.

Passion of the christ, director's cut

My main problem with former hero of post-apocalyptic Australia Mel Gibson's "Passion of the christ" was the score. Problem solved.






http://www.lowcarbcomedy.com/html/videos/therest/passionhill.htm

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bum ride

Best of 2005

Amazon released its Best of 2005 list recently.

The book that was reviewed most positively by Amazon.com customers in 2005:
Is Life Worth It? Sex, Money and Power from a Psychics Point of View by Stephen Piperno

Among the 5 star reviews are:

This psychic book definetely wins my heart. It is artistically written and gives very sound psychic advice. I thought that the topics of sex, money and power were genious in and of itself. I I mean, what else is there? Stephen Piperno is a psychic and he is great. I have been read by him numerous times and he is a wonderful psychic counselor and has a beautiful spirit.
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I have seen many counselors before in my life, but this book is life changing. He is a very smart man with a great attitude and he loves God. I loved and I mean loveddddddddddddddddd this book! I give it two wine glasses high :). Psychic Stephen Piperno is by far an expert in writing and knows how to communicate. It took me only 5 days to read the book. I was literally glued to it everyday and I did not put it down. Not even to watch my favorite shows and that is a big SHOCKER. I love t.v. and to have this consume most of my time, it must have been good.
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I bought this book not knowing exactly what it was about. I wanted to have some light shed on these issues and I must say that when I opened this book, I was not expecting it to have insightful information.
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It is hard to tell if Stephen is a psychic or a prophet of God. I say this because his words are full of such wisdom and this is not a traditional psychic book. I must admit that I do not like to read most psychic books because of the drama. I will use Psychic Stephen Piperno's psychic wisdom to allow myself to grow into the man that I knew God called me to be. I can honestly say that God is touching my life through this man and psychic stephen does not know how much he has touched my life and the lives of many others.
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I gave a copy of this book to my teenage son and he actually read it. I was shocked. My son never reads books. I owe psychic stephen piperno many thanks for his inspiring book that helped my son and now me.
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The author is fun, loving and obviously psychic.
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Books should be spontaneous and mysterious and that's basically what I got out of this book. He's good with words.
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Psychic Stephen clearly has a good heart. By the way, the book has great quality. Very professional and easy to read. Good book overall.
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Psychic Stephen Piperno is clearly not your average psychic. He touches on some preety critical areas here. As a matter of fact, I can't think of any other book that covers all of these areas. I'ts a diamond.
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The spirit does know best and that's what I got out of this book mostly.
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This book is a classic and is based upon Christian, psychic and other philosophies and thoughts. Who ever heard of a Christian psychic. This new concept is going to be the wave of the future in the psychic field. That I can guarentee you. I'm a Christian myself and I must admit that I do contact psychics regularly. It's nice to know that Psychic Stephen Piperno is also a Christian that loves Jesus and is a full time practicing psychic. This guy is the real deal.
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Truly, truly, truly authentic. I like the fact that Stephen uses many good analogies and he helps you to deal wtih masturbation and other sexual areas.
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Piperno touches very deep topics which make you re think about our society's current problems regardings the topics he covers.
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The book is high quality and probably one of the finest books that I own. The pages are very high quality and most important, the psychic words in this book are life changing.
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This book was sent to me by my guardian angels. It was a true blessing in disguise.
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This book actually relaxed me. There must be some annointed touch to this book because it truly relaxed my spirit and I felt calmer after reading it.
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I say to follow your heart when it comes to reading psychic books because it's all where the spirit of God is leading you.
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It's about time someone wrote about something from a psychic/christian perspective. I loved this book. I truly did and I will tell you why. Psychic Stephen Piperno encourages people how to deal with sex, money and power. He also knows his stuff like the back of his hand
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I always say that a psychic knows best :). I'ts a great book to look at from time and time again. There is a lot of good words in this book.
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First of all, I want to say that anyone who does not have this book is doing a disservice to themselves.
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This author is also a veteran and many people should know this. He addresses this in his book and I believe that all veterans deserve our support. He is a package of Gold for sure.
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Amazing thing about the book is that it has so much religion in it and is not a "dirty" book or anything that would enhance sex. He's an amazing psychic and I have already recommended my other psychic friends to read this book.
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A lot of prophetic words are given in this book and secret messages as well. Stephen Piperno must be an amazing psychic because he's an incredible author. God bless+++
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Boobs and leopards

iTunes gift cards sold on eBay for more than the value of the cards.

1. $15 gift card. Sold for $22. However, free shipping.

2. $25 gift card. Sold for $26. Shipping to my zip code: $2.06. Optional insurance: $1.30. Total cost - with insurance - $29.36

3. $25 gift card. Sold for $15.60. Shipping $12.99. Total cost $28.59

4. $15 gift card. Sold for $16.25. Shipping is free.

5. $25 gift card. Sold for $35.00. Shipping is $1.00 Total cost $36.00

Bacon Tempura. And Gumbo Pages.

Taken from some newspaper article somewhere. This guy is a little over-the top for us, but whatever. He batters his bacon in tempura and fries it, so he gets some respect for that.

Healthy eating is all about moderation. That is why, when I'm enjoying deep-fried bacon, I limit myself strictly to two slices. Per meal. No exceptions.

That's right, bacon tempura: the impossible goodness of pork belly made even more impossibly good with a delicate breading and a bath in sizzling-hot canola. This dish, the handiwork of chef Bill McDaniel, is just one reason the Red Cat is my new favorite restaurant in Manhattan.

But back to the bacon: "It actually started almost as a lark," says the chef. "I was talking with one of our hostesses one day, and she said, 'What's better than bacon?' And I said, joking, 'I don't know that there's anything better than bacon — except, maybe, fried bacon.' The next morning I walked in and I knew what I wanted to make." It's ridiculous to say, but McDaniel's decadent approach can be described only as light. It's fluffy-crispy, probably because he makes the batter with club soda; imagine a perfect french fry with bacon stuffed inside. The two strips rest atop a nutrient-rich salad of grilled corn, sugar snap peas, and chipotle aioli. Says McDaniel: "It was off the menu for a while and people started coming in almost angry that we didn't have it." And rightly so.

Bacon Tempura

4 egg whites

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 1/3 cups cold club soda

1/2 gallon canola oil

12 pieces thick-sliced applewood bacon

salt to taste

In a large bowl, whisk egg whites until they form soft peaks. Fold into egg whites the flour and club soda. In a 4-quart pot, heat oil to 425 degrees. Batter bacon slices and carefully drop into oil a few slices at a time. Do not overcrowd oil as it will overflow, and bacon will cook unevenly. Once the bacon is golden brown, remove from oil using a slotted spoon. Lightly salt.

Serve 2 fried slices on top of about 2 oz of a grilled-corn or other seasonal salad garnished with the aioli and 2 lime wedges.

By the way, the picture I had here kept getting removed by its rightful owner. He claimed I was "stealing his bandwidth." The joke's on him. No one reads this page. Still, if he comes back here, I hope he leaves his address so I can pay him for all the bandwidth I stole of his little photo. That's b/c I am a mature grown-up.

Also, to make it up to him, I have copied the photo to my server so that Blogger can now pay for the bandwidth, and I can have the photo be nice and big.

Cheney vs. Rumsfeld

Rumsfeld and Cheney were already naked on the floor, teasing and coaxing. Cheney straightened up and grasped Rumsfeld's face.

"Fuck me now." Cheney whispered while keeping a dark gaze focused on Rumsfeld, whose glasses shimmered in the dark mysterious room.
Rumsfeld had no control over his physical actions and agreed to pursue Cheney's request. Slipping a forefinger in his mouth, Rumsfeld slicked it with his saliva. After they were wet to his satisfaction, he inserted a finger. Cheney moaned, encouraging Rumsfeld. He nudged Cheney's left thigh against his chest and aimed his staff at his gate. Once Cheney was ready, Rumsfeld pushed in.

Rumsfeld stroke in and out of his heat, pressing dry-lipped kisses upon the edges of his mouth with each thrust forward. Cheney rose moaning and shuddering without embarrassment.

"More." Cheney continued to pant.

Smiling, Rumsfeld shifted his weight onto his arms. He looked down at Cheney's strained erection as he fucked into him. The sight of Cheney taking all of Rumsfeld's cock pounded lust through his veins, making Rumsfeld piston his hips slightly faster with each humping motion.

"Oh, Yessssssssss." Cheney hissed quietly, taking the pain. He brings Rumsfeld's right hand down to his staff, allowing Rumsfeld to stroke it for him. Rumsfeld did, coaxing even more creamy lust out of Cheney's turning-purple dick.

Cheney came in Rumsfeld's hand, erupting his hot sticky seed upon his fingers. Something pulled in Rumsfeld like a string, a sensation that caused him to spurt inside Cheney almost before he finished. Torrents of his come jetted forth, spilling deep into Cheney's bowels and down his ass and thighs.

Then finally, Rumsfeld collapsed.

The Christmas Bat

The most blessed of all God's creatures.

Hear his holy tale here... soon...

New pope begins steady descent into madness

Zombie look-alike and former anti-aircraft gunner pope benedict appeared in public yesterday wearing what appeared to be a santa hat and a cape the looked like a cotume piece from "Space: 1999". Not sure what look he is going for here. Perhaps he is simply trying to prevent people from being horrified by his ghoulish visage. I don't think he is having the desired effect. If anything I am more terrified of him dressed up like the bastard son of saint nick and lando calrissian. He's probably just getting ready for that frigid hell he seems to be so fond of.

Daily fantasy art

Evolution biggest breakthrough of 2005. Also of 1859.

As the world goes rocketing into the new Dark Ages, ABC News has proclaimed "Evolution" to be the scientific breakthough of the year 2005.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

Evolution was proven to sensible people while slavery was still legal in the Red States.

It was proven that the Earth was not the center of the Universe hundreds of years ago, but it took Pope John Paul II - Karl to his friends - to admit that maybe Galileo was right, about ten years ago.

What's next ABC News? Proof that thunder isn't God bowling? Or that my cat doesn't need a psychic to tell me it likes tuna and attention?

The dead will be piled high in the streets soon. Plague's a-comin', massah. We all gonna die.

Stalin's Super-Ape Plans Sadly Never Completed.

Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

Mr Ivanov's ideas were music to the ears of Soviet planners and in 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees.

Meanwhile, a centre for the experiments was set up in Georgia - Stalin's birthplace - for the apes to be raised.

Mr Ivanov's experiments, unsurprisingly from what we now know, were a total failure. He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.

A final attempt to persuade a Cuban heiress to lend some of her monkeys for further experiments reached American ears, with the New York Times reporting on the story, and she dropped the idea amid the uproar.

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We will now just put up more pictures of funny monkeys.

Nutrition Corner

Today's diet:

Breakfast: Toast, raspberry jam
Lunch: 1/2 packet of gummy cola bottles, all 24 of the chocolates from an advent calendar
Dinner: 2 boston creme donuts

I've seen the light. Creationism is fact.

Well, after spending a week at a genetics and evoutionary biology conference in germany i was pretty sure that nothing could sway my long held belief in evolutionary theory. However, I reckoned without Rick and Sidney. Turns out all it took to persuade me of the merits of creationism over evolution is a ventriloquist and his dummy. Wow. If only Jesus could have been so eloquent. See it for yourself and be convinced:

http://rickandsidney.com/

2005 - Here's your bill.

from the Atlantic Monthly.

Old Austrians thrilled by das Krampuss' Xmas visit

They're smiling because they know the Krampuss only carries off children - not the old.

Christmas at Danzig's House

Glenn Danzig lives in an abandoned (looking) old house with no paint, permanently open windows (in which sits a cat frequently), a black iron fence, overgrown yard, and - oddly - a huge five foot high cube of bricks and an old dusty black Jaguar out front. It looks like a smaller verion of the Addams Family house, except for the Jaguar. And the mountain of bricks. And Danzig is about 1/3 the size of Lurch.

I wasn't even sure he still lived there; I hadn't seen him - or anyone except the cat - behind the iron gate in years. But the Jaguar was still there, and since the neighborhood home values have skyrocketed, every shack within blocks has been flipped and sold for a million plus now. So Danzig now has the most expensive Haunted House east of Hollywood.

There is of course the episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Danzig buys Carl's house because blood pours out of the walls, and when I saw it, I immediately thought, "Shit. Danzig moved away." But that was just the effects of residual drug use and 35 years of watching tv.

But the other day I was walking down that street while Danzig's long-haired minion cracked open the iron gate, and off he drove in the jag. lookin pissed naturally. that car is so fucking filthy I could barely make him out in it, but luckily I had seen that episode of ATHF that reminded me of what he looked like (fatter, and luckily he drives with a shirt. But angry man. Fucking angry looking.)

So anyway, it's xmas in America, don't cha know, and every house in Los Feliz is covered with displays of brightly colored xmas lights. Almost every one of them. Except Danzig's, which is black, and I swear might have a pack of owls hooting in the tree the moment the sun goes down. There's one sickly dim yellowish light on the porch, so that it looks kind of like Thomas Kinkade's worst nightmare.

It makes me feel good really. Danzig's house is just a black hole of anti-good will, sucking all of the feelings of the season into it and spitting out pure unadulaterated devil worship. Or whatever it is Danzig is about... I'm not really sure. Blood I think. Lots of blood. and devil horns.

Malawi Today: Chinese Cannibals

My favorite African country, if only because the populace lives in fear of vampires, and the current president built a huge mansion for himself, only to discover it haunted by ghosts, so he can't live there. Now we find out there's cannabalism, but not by the Malawi - by the Chinese. Of course.

Malawi police fire on mob outside home of Chinese businessman accused of cannibalism

Police on Tuesday fired on a mob outside the home of a Chinese businessman rumored to have abducted and eaten a number of boys in the southern tea-growing town of Bvumbwe.

Two people were rushed to a hospital after they were shot in the melee, said police spokesman Willy Mwaluka.

The bizarre incident happened after the disappearance of at least six boys in the area, about 25 kilometers (15 miles) south of the commercial capital, Blantyre. Local leaders filed a complaint with police Tuesday after an employee of the businessman alleged one of the boys had been brought to the man's residence.

Police searched the residence, but found no evidence to support the claim, Mwaluka said.

Residents then decided to take matters into their own hands and besieged the house. Some refused to disperse after the shooting, and police were maintaining a 24-hour watch to ward against further violence.

Rumors of cannibalism have surrounded Malawi's small, largely isolated Chinese community since they first arrived in the 19th century to help build the southern African country's railway line. No incidents have ever been confirmed, reports AP.

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In related Malawi news, Paul Theroux rips Bono and Bill Gates a new one in the NY Times, and describes how Malawi has been decimated over the course of the 40 years they've been "helped" by us civilized folk.

"THERE are probably more annoying things than being hectored about African development by a wealthy Irish rock star in a cowboy hat, but I can't think of one at the moment. If Christmas, season of sob stories, has turned me into Scrooge, I recognize the Dickensian counterpart of Paul Hewson - who calls himself "Bono" - as Mrs. Jellyby in "Bleak House." Harping incessantly on her adopted village of Borrioboola-Gha "on the left bank of the River Niger," Mrs. Jellyby tries to save the Africans by financing them in coffee growing and encouraging schemes "to turn pianoforte legs and establish an export trade," all the while badgering people for money." Much more here.

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Nutrition Corner

Today's diet:

Coffee: 3 cups
bacon (cold, from fridge): 1/3 pound
Tayto salt and vinegar crisps: 1 packet
Semi-sweet chocolate chips: approx. 1 1/2 cups

Crimes Against Humanity

Shop fined for selling out-of-date bacon

A SHOPOWNER has been fined £1,500 for selling out-of- date food including bacon, Scotch eggs and vegetable samosas. Piara Singh Gill, who trades as Gills Mini Market in High Street, Biggleswade, was found guilty on 10 charges brought under the Food Labelling Regulations 1996 at Bedford Magistrates' Court last week.

Despite Gill's assertions that the food was not for sale, magistrates found him guilty on all charges.

Cllr Bob King, executive member for adult services which also covers trading standards, said: "Selling food past its use-by date clearly presents a risk to the well being of Bedfordshire's residents and is an unacceptable practice which Bedfordshire Trading Standards officers will continue to tackle."

Anyone who believes they have purchased an item of food - particularly bacon - with an expired use-by date should contact Bedfordshire Trading Standards Service on 01234 228897.

Donald Watson, founder of veganism croaks

Donald Watson, the humorless, teetotaling founder of veganism kicked the bucket today. As you may have realized, we at ypmtrga are not big fans of vegetarians, and vegans in particular. They are typically not much fun, smell bad, are gratingly self-righteous, and rarely eat bacon. So in honor of old Donald's death we present him with this delicious and meaty bacon hat, to wear for all eternity. If there were a heaven I would hope that it was meat-based.

Rush to buy XBOX 360: Pirate-Themed Backgammon!

The last video game console we owned was the Atari 2600. Sure our friends had Colecovision and intellivision: But where are they now? I'll tell you where: Rehab and half-way houses. Seriously. They are. It's a sad story.

Anyway, we haven't been able to be bothered with such expensive mind-fucking things, especially when there's plenty of opportunities to play live backgammon on the internet 24/7, and even Zork and Oregon Trail. (Like my Oregon Trail character, I have in fact nearly died of dysentery many times...)

But I am intrigued that the new Microsoft Xbox360, which is the Tickle-Me-Elmo of this holiday season. One of the big criticisms of the machine is that it doesn’t have a lot of games. True, I’ve yet to see them release Combat, with its 27 variations of tank and airplane battles.

However, they do seem to have backgammon. And not just any backgammon: Hardwood Backgammon. Yes, now rather than BUY a hardwood backgammon board for $30 – or less if you live near the Lebanese part of town – You can spend $300 on an Xbox, which is sold out anyway, another $20 for the software, and then play it in the radiating glow of the Zenith after the Dumont network has gone off the air for the evening.

You seem to have to play on board some sort of sailing ship, and frankly, with a hardboard set, you’d better hope it’s clear sailing, or else your pieces will go all over the place. I can only assume that pirates play some role in this – why else be on the sea? And kids today love their pirates.

Exploit the good will of christians for their financial ruin

So apparently these folks will send a bible to whatever name and address you fill in:

Free Holy Bible (Mormon.org)
Free King James version (Free-Gift-Club)
Free New Testament recovery version (Bibles For America)

No registration, email, cc, etc. required. We highly recommend filling out this form as many times as you possibly can. Who cares where it gets sent. Send it to yourself then throw it away. Send it to your friends as a cheap christmas present. Get out a phone book and start typing. Send it to non-existant addresses. Send it overseas to increase the postage required. Send it to the territory of Sealand. Send it to businesses who won't know what to do with it. Whatever. It's going to cost them a few cents every time they send one out. If enough people do it all of christendom could be forced into bankruptcy.

You can also request a visit and/or phone call from the jehovah's witnesses. Doesn't cost them much, but you sure could aggravate them. Enter in the information for your local branch of the church of scientology, mosque, catholic church, pizza place, gay bar, escort service, computer repair store, adult book shop, DMV, etc.:

https://watch002.securesites.net/contact/submit.htm

Backgammon's good name sullied by whores and infected deviants.

I'm doing a little "browsing" as the kids call it, and come across the provactive title on MSN.com: "Romantic gifts: Share your love for each other this season and make a little magic of your own. There's more than one way to heat up your holiday."
When you click on it, it takes you to all sorts of sordid devices: Kama Sutra Weekender, The Passion Game for Two, Dirty Darts, Strip Chocolate Checkers for Lovers (I kid you not),
But to get there you see this:!
As if the fine ancient game of backgammon - the very thing that might have finally united the muslim world and the sane world - would be sullied in such a way.

Backgammon is not "naughty" as the Philistines at MSN.com, but a brutal game to be played for pride, resulting in the complete humiliation and financial ruin of the other.

"Ah've bin to Iverness in Feb'ry. If tha' no be 'Ell, I dinnae ken what is"

Up to a third of Scottish churchmen believe in hell, according to a survey.

BBC News A study into the beliefs of clergy was conducted by Eric Stoddart, a lecturer in Practical Theology at the St Andrews University School of Divinity.

It would involve people being separated into the "saved" and the "lost".

He said the majority of clergy in the Highlands and Western Isles, believed more strongly in the idea of hell. However, in east Scotland, where there is a larger range of beliefs, only a small proportion believed in damnation.

One third of those surveyed believed Judgement Day would involve "eternal mental anguish in hell", while a fifth believed such a fate would include "eternal physical torment".

The analysis also found other interpretations of "lost", such as people without specific Christian beliefs or those who drank alcohol.

Crikey! That's us, that is!

I assumed most Scottish people still burned The Wicker Man to ensure a good harvest, and had orgies while sacrificing cops and virgins.

Oh wait - I think that's the Welsh...

How You Eating Your Bacon?

In a Coq au Vin!
There are many traditional variations on coq au vin in France - in the Jura they add Morels; the Alsatian version is bound at the last minute by egg yolks and cream. In Provence they add tomatoes, black olives and red peppers. In Flanders, they add beer. All this at least, says the cookbook. This isn't the most bacon-intensive dish, but it's in there, and it has seats next to some of my other life-long friends: onions and mushrooms.
Here we are looking down the deep well of the pot. Who's that down there? Why it's simmering bacon!
No proper French restaurant would present a plate like this, I admit. Looks a little pasty from here. But Frankly, most things that aren't deep fried, served from a cart, carved from a rotisserie, or grilled like an Arab in Gitmo look a little pasty to me. But trust me, that bacon was fully cooked before it went in to the stew. And the longer this stuff sits, the tastier it gets. A few days later and it was just about right. And it smells up the house something great.

Thursday Funnies!

More funnies!

Auf Deutsch!

Stomach Ache!

The Banquet of Chesnuts!

Dinosaurs and god!

Trouble!

Cappy Dick says: "Remember kids - clicking the picture makes it bigger! Collect 'em all! Can you find more?"

And the lord said "And the fruit of your loins will be kicked in the nuts by my followers"

From the smoking gun:

When Ronald and Jill Losoya sent their 11-year-old son to Michigan's Camp Michawana, they expected the boy's summer stay would be a "positive, Christian-based experience." In fact, the camp itself notes that "Christ is first" and that it operates as "an arm of the local church in which a Bible-centered program�is used to develop camper spirituality." However, according to the below federal lawsuit, things didn't work out that way for young Ezekiel Losoya. Instead, the boy's parents allege in their August 8 complaint, he was subjected to an assortment of "inhumane, degrading, and criminal conduct" during a one-week stay in the summer of 2003. Among 19 separate indignities cited in the Losoyas's complaint, Ezekiel had to endure wedgies, was "kicked in the privates," had his camera smashed, got dunked headfirst in a toilet, and was tied to a tether ball pole. The lawsuit, which does not specify monetary damages beyond $75,000, contends that Ezekiel was tormented by fellow campers and Michawana counselors. As a result of the camp's negligence, the Losoyas charge, Ezekiel has suffered hurt feelings, mental anguish, and "disruption of his faith in Christ and loss of his camera."

Quote of the day

Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; Give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.

What would The Baroness do?

The Baroness has been on vacation for a few weeks, getting some much needed rest at Sandals: Jamaica. But today she's back to help us all out of another moral quandry. Today, Baroness is confronted with a real poser: The mayor of the Freedom City is in dire straights. The war he started to bring precious freedom to a bunch of ungrateful brown-skinned savages has become dangerously unpopular. Two years in, and residents of the former developed secular republic are now cowering in hovels without water or electricity, trying to avoid being blown up by walking bombs. To make matters worse, every single person associated with the mayor's administration is under indictment or investigation for various felonies. What would The Baroness do?

"THE FOOLS! The answer to this is so obvious that it barely warrants mentioning. As soon as any bunch of peasants starts to become unruly they are always most effectively dealt with with FEAR!!! Ha Ha Ha! First I would identify a new non-threat to the dead-eyed, effete, and corpulent populace. Ideally a threat from a strange and foreign oriental land. Something like a mysterious virus. Yes that's it! Never mind that the virus is endemic to poultry and has caused ony a handful of human deaths. What matters is the threat. What about cancer, AIDS, or car crashes that kill thousands more a day than this Chinee virus? Pah! Those are useless to me. The public has grown bored with such commonplace bugs. Something new and exciting is needed. Forget the reality that it will likely never actually kill anyone here, the FEAR is the important thing.

Once I had identified the yellow menace I would stoke the fires of unease by ensuring that every single fatality in those far off lands was covered heavilly on the televised teat at which the populace suckles. Within a few short weeks they will be driven into a frenzy, demanding that something be done to counter the impending doom. That is when I would strike. COBRA! I would appear on national television and announce a sweeping billion dollar plan to deal with this monster in the closet. All of the proposed measures would be useless of course in the event of a real viral outbreak. The center-piece of then plan would be to stockpile huge quantities of a drug that has not been demonstrated effective against the virus in question. But here's, as they say, the kicker: Major Rumsfel...err, Blud, will profit handsomely. It would be too obvious if he were somehow directly connected with the manufacturer of the drug. However, No one will realize that before joining COBRA he was chairman of the company that owns the rights to it. He owns millions of dollars of their stock!!!

Of course my main goal has now been achieved. The public is now far too busy trying to get their hands on the placebo, stocking up on respirators, and avoiding orientals to care about a few brown-sklinned babies getting incinerated by white phosphorous. I am even willing to bet that many of them will forgo their traditional turkey dinner for fear of the asiatic pandemic.

COBRA!!!